Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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