Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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