I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
