Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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