Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize