No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
