I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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