I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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