You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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