The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
