all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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