I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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