is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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