I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
