4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He called his prostate his "boner button".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
