i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
