Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
