I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
