There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
