i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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