I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
