fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sorry about my life...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
