naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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