If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
