Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
