I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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