we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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