Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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