There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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