Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
