I have demons in me.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize