And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
