I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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