There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
