If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
