So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
