I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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