Define "chronic" masturbator.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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