I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
