This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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