If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
