does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
