no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
