He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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