better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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