She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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