How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
