Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
