Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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