at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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