know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We had to coat check the pizza.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
