Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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