I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
