I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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