I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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