I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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