Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
