this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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