Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
