she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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