I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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