It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
