made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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