Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
did i just pee glitter
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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