Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
