Where is the hickey?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
