are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
