I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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