Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
