Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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