Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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