That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
