I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize