I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
