My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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