Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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