Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
