Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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