I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
