We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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